Why "Healthy" Isn't Always Helpful: Rethinking Wellness for Real Women

Let me tell you a quick story.

I was standing in the grocery store aisle—cart full of quinoa, low-fat Greek yogurt, organic almond butter, and all the other “healthy” must-haves. A woman next to me was holding a frozen pizza and a bag of baby carrots, and she looked at my cart, smiled nervously, and said, “Wow. You’re so healthy. I wish I could eat like that.”

I smiled back, but what I didn’t say was: I hate everything in this cart right now.

It wasn’t that I didn’t like the food itself. It was that I had completely lost touch with what I actually enjoyed eating, what made me feel good, and what worked for my real life as a tired nurse and mom. I was chasing an idea of “healthy” that wasn’t really helping me at all.

The Problem with the Word “Healthy”

We throw around the word “healthy” like it’s a gold star. But who gets to decide what counts?

Is it eating only whole foods? Never touching sugar? Drinking celery juice every morning and skipping dinner if you’re not hungry?

I used to believe those things too. I thought “healthy” meant perfect. That if I could just be “healthy enough,” I’d finally feel confident in my skin. I’d finally be thin, happy, energetic, successful—basically, I thought kale could fix my life.

But here’s what I learned the hard way:

“Healthy” is not a one-size-fits-all.
And often, it becomes a code word for restriction, obsession, and burnout. Especially for women who’ve spent decades battling their bodies.

Wellness Shouldn’t Be a Full-Time Job

Let’s get real: most of us aren’t living in a Pinterest-perfect world where we can prep every meal in glass containers and do hot yoga at sunrise.

We’re juggling work, kids, laundry piles, doctor’s appointments, and our own mental load that could fill a library. And yet somehow, we’re made to feel guilty if we don’t hit 10,000 steps and eat clean every day?

Nope. That’s not wellness. That’s just another pressure-packed performance.

I used to spend hours researching ingredients, checking labels, and tracking every bite. And yet—I felt worse. Not better. I was tired, anxious, and hungry for something deeper than food.

What I was really craving?

Peace. Simplicity. Permission to stop obsessing.

When “Healthy” Hurts More Than It Helps

Let’s talk examples, because this gets sneaky.

You know what’s technically healthy?

• Swapping your meal for a green smoothie.

• Doing fasted cardio every morning.

• Cutting out all added sugar, even in ketchup.

You know what’s not healthy if it makes you feel irritable, deprived, and socially isolated?
…all of the above.

One of my clients once said she was proud she hadn’t eaten “anything bad” in weeks—but she also hadn’t enjoyed a meal with her family, stopped stressing about food, or pooped in days. (Yes, I asked. I’m a nurse—these things matter.)

Wellness isn’t supposed to rob you of joy, connection, or digestion.

If your version of “healthy” leaves you mentally exhausted and physically disconnected from your body’s needs, it might be time to rethink what helpful actually looks like.

The Guilt Spiral

Here’s another trap: the guilt spiral.

You eat something “unhealthy”—maybe chips or pizza or cookies—and suddenly, it’s an emotional landslide:
I ruined everything.
I have no discipline.
Might as well binge the rest of the day and start over Monday.

Sound familiar? Yeah. Been there. Bought the T-shirt and stretched it out during my post-binge nap.

But here’s what finally clicked: labeling foods as “good” or “bad” gave them more power over me. I wasn’t failing—I was following a broken playbook that confused nutrient-dense with morally superior.

You are not bad for eating ice cream.
You are not good for eating kale.
You are a human. And food is just food.

Let’s Talk Real Wellness

So what is helpful? What does wellness look like when you’re done with diet culture but still want to feel better in your body?

Let me offer some mindset shifts that changed everything for me and my clients:

1. Ask “Does this work for my real life?”
Not for Instagram. Not for your fitness tracker. Not for the voice in your head still haunted by 90s diet culture.
Does this way of eating/moving/living work for you? Is it doable, sustainable, and aligned with your values?

2. Focus on how food makes you feel—not just how it looks.
I used to eat salads every day and feel bloated and grumpy by 2 PM. When I started incorporating more grounding meals—roasted veggies, rice, eggs, soups—I felt satisfied and stopped the afternoon snack attack.

3. Trade willpower for awareness.
Instead of white-knuckling through cravings, I started noticing when they happened. Stress after bedtime? Reward-seeking after work? Once I saw the patterns, I could address the need—not just the food.

4. Celebrate the wins that don’t show up on the scale.
Like pooping regularly. Saying no to something that used to derail you. Choosing sleep over scrolling. Real wellness is built on small, boring, beautiful habits.

5. Ditch the “perfect” plan.
You don’t need a 30-day detox. You need a relationship with your body where you listen, adjust, and keep showing up. Even when you eat the dang cookie.

Here’s What I’d Tell My Younger Self

If I could go back in time and talk to the girl who cried after eating a sandwich, I’d say:

You’re not broken. You’re not failing. You’re following a system that never had your best interest in mind.

Stop chasing “healthy” if it’s hurting you. Start choosing helpful. Start choosing healing.

Because the version of you who trusts her body, enjoys her food, and lives with less shame? She’s not a fantasy. She’s the real you—just buried under layers of old rules and noise.

And friend, she’s ready to come out.

Ready to Make Peace with Wellness?

If this hit home, know that you’re not alone—and you don’t have to untangle this all by yourself.

I offer free 60-minute consultations where we talk through your health history, struggles, and goals—judgment-free. We get clear on what’s sabotaging your progress and how to actually feel better, without another unrealistic plan.

🧠 Want to find out what’s really holding you back?
Take my quiz: What’s Sabotaging Your Healthy Habits?

💬 Grab your free guide: The Inner Critic’s Playbook: Food Mindsets That Sabotage Your Health

📊 Curious about how food affects your body? Download “What Spikes Me?” — A 7-Day Glucose Experiment Tracker

✨ Or, if you’re ready to chat and feel heard, book your free call right here.

Let’s rethink “healthy” together—because your wellness should be as real and beautiful as you are.